Prayers (for Bobby)

I was watching Prayers for Bobby again, for perhaps the twentieth time since it originally aired on Lifetime, and couldn't help but feel that it was time for me to write a blog about it. This movie always hits home for me, because at one point, and even sometimes still today, I was like Bobby.

I'm not saying that I felt my parents didn't love me, but acceptance is a very difficult thing. When I first approached my father, he had a demeanor that scared me right back into the closet. After that initial time, I was in no big hurry to try to tell my parents again... ever. It was only after moving back in with my parents in 2008 that the truth finally came to the light, and only then did I realize just how big a kettle of fish I had gotten myself into.

I was at Brookdale, a community college in NJ, getting everything set for school, and chatting with some new friends I had made, when I received a phone call from my parents. My mother had gone into my room while I was at the college and while cleaning had found... some personal items. I was scared beyond belief. With both of my parents having been pastors I knew this could not end well.

I went home, dreading what was to come more and more with every mile that went by. When I finally got there, I talked with my mother for what seemed like an eternity. At the end of the talk, my mother still refused to believe I was gay, and my father... well, lets just say that I wasn't ready to cross that bridge yet.

A year passed since the initial "outing", and after several depressive times for me where I stayed at school talking to friends rather than go home, my mother finally started to come to terms with the fact that I was gay. By this point, my father had a job elsewhere, so it was just me and my mother living together for a while. My mother still would say "But you didn't give any signs.", to which I would always respond that there aren't always "signs" that are tell tale, but there are always signs.

Now we get to the point where Prayers for Bobby came out. Me and my mother sat and watched this movie together. There were very few spots where either of us had a dry eye, and by the end my mother was crying very hard. I comforted her, because of all the people in the world, I knew that she loved me and just wanted me to be happy.

To this day, my father has never seen this movie, and has refused to see it. I know he loves me, but I do not think he will ever accept the fact that I am gay. To my surprise, however, he has said that if I ever find a partner he is welcome to come and live with us. I wonder however what brought this about. Before we moved to a new house and I got one level to myself, if ever the subject of me being gay came up, things would get very tense and most of the time the subject would get changed.

To this day, I still run into discrimination because I am gay, and I can't share my love I feel for all of the human race, because of people that hate me. I pray for the day where all people, regardless of who they are or who they love, will be truly equal and will be able to stand by each other with no malice in their hearts. To this I vow:

• If ever I see someone in need of a friend because they feel unloved or that the world is against them, I will be there to offer them my friendship.
• If ever I see someone being discriminated against, I will do whatever is within my power to stop it and help them up.
• If ever I see someone who is afraid to be themselves, I'll help them understand that it is better to be oneself, and how to overcome whatever hardships may come their way as a consequence.

My goal in life, if no other is reachable, is to try and be a friend to all. I will not stop trying, until all gay people are seen for what they truly are, people with hearts, minds, and feelings just like anybody else, but who just happen to love someone of the same gender.

I see that God made me just the way I am, and although I sometimes wonder why he chose for me to be gay, I know in my heart that ultimately it was not meant as a curse, but as a gift. If I were not gay, I have no doubt that I would not be the loving person I am today, and would not now be sitting here writing this blog. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I prayed to God to help me make this world a better place for everyone, and if not for me, for others like me, who only want to live in peace and love, the way God made them.

I have no doubt that this blog will see it's share of "Hate" comments, I see them all the time on YouTube, but for those of you who actually read it, I ask that you pass it on. Show it to friends, to family, to co-workers (if safe to do so). This world has spent too much time experiencing hate, and I think that it is about time for us to finally heal the world, and share peace with all other people. And now for the challange. I challenge everyone, at least for one day, to think of someone that they have been unkind to or shown disdain for and try to make amends for it. Show someone that you have never shown before the kindness that you are capable of.